Adoption: The Harder Road

By Mary A., Celebrate Adoption Cincinnati member and mother of one biological daughter and one adopted son

I ran into a nurse from the delivery room six months after my biological child was born. She said to me, “I remember you. You had it bad. You had it really bad.”

She was referring to the forceps delivery, the large tear of skin, the vomiting, the dizziness, and me not even able to tell the joyful news of birth to my parents because I was so sick and wiped out. All that mattered 6 months later was that I had a healthy baby girl. I couldn’t have been happier.

My husband and I both come from big families. We wanted another child right away. We learned you don’t always get what you want. Five years later, my husband and I had been to see all kinds of doctors, infertility specialists, etc. and we still could not conceive. Every night our daughter included in her nightly prayers her wish for a baby brother or sister.

Every month we would hope. Every month we would pray. Every month we would be disappointed.

It took a lot for us to finally admit we were not going to conceive another child. Not willing to give up, we chose adoption. (Or should I say, adoption chose us. It was clearly the second choice.)

We submitted a profile and pictures and hoped we would be selected above all the other couples who were anxiously awaiting to expand their families. We waited… and we waited… and we waited.

Two years later we got the unforgettable phone call: A birthmother had chosen us!!! After meeting with the birthmother, we started adoption proceedings. We waited for the birthmother to sign away rights. We waited while the birthfather’s rights were terminated. We waited until it was deemed “safe” to bring the baby home. We waited until we could set a court date. We waited for finalization. Finally, after seven years, our daughter had the brother she had prayed for, and we had the child we could not conceive.

After announcing the joyful news of adoption to co-workers, one co-worker turned to me and said, “You did it the easy way this time.” My eyes shot back a look that shot right through him. I quickly corrected his way of thinking and replied, “Believe me, adoption is the harder road by far!” I informed him of the rough delivery of my daughter, but in the same breath informed him of the highly emotional seven years of waiting and praying for our son.

At the time I didn’t know why God would not let us conceive. I thought we were good people and already proven as good parents. I didn’t understand why we were being “punished” in such a way. It took us awhile to realize and to put all the pieces of God’s plan together. The adoption of our son was meant. He was meant for us and we were meant for him.

No, it wasn’t an easy road, but definitely one worth traveling.